I don't think I've mentioned on this version of my blog that my education was in philosophy. A question examined in early-level philosophy is the problem of evil.. In 20th century layperson lingo, this is translated as When Bad Things Happen to Good People.
I am an atheist, and the "Problem of Evil" is usually addressed as a question about whether or not God exists. But even atheists rail against this reality: How come it seems like the people who do the most good in the world, often get struck by the greatest adversity?
We can say "Hey, it has nothing to do with how good a person is. Illness can befall anyone."
Yet we are creatures who believe so solidly in fairness. In karma. That those who do good, should received good in return. Even if reject the idea of supernatural power, there is just something in the nature of the human community that wants to see good people rewarded with similar goodness.
I have some friends--good people. The very best of people. The kind of people you don't often get to meet in your life. One of them has fallen very ill, and indeed, his life was just saved the other day by another generous soul...a person who stopped when he saw someone in trouble, and didn't just drive on by. I'm not going to write about the situation because it's not my place.
But it disturbs me. No, damn it, it pisses me off! I stamp my foot like a child: "Not fair! Not fair!"
And then the question becomes: What can I do to help? And if there is nothing I can do to help them directly, what can I do to fill in, to help do what perhaps they now may have to put on hold? It just feels like there should be some karmic balance: If they must take some time to concentrate on themselves for awhile, shouldn't others who care do a bit more good in the world, to make up for what they are unable to do, now?
I am sure readers have similar friends who have faced similar suffering. What did you do to help or honor them?
3 comments:
It perhaps sounds harsh, but I can't do good on their behalf. My good works don't really transfer over. If it's in my heart to take over some of the things they do all the time- say running an event or cooking food for an occasion or donating X hours to volunteer for something, I'll do that. But it's to honor them or help them out or frankly because someone needs to do and it may as well be me.
And I have to keep being their friend. Sometimes they need me more- my shoulder, my ears, just my presence. I'm there for them if at all possible. But I'd be there for them anyway because they are my friend.
One of the hardest books in the bible to read is Job. Because here is God deliberately putting trials on one of his most faithful servants. It is cruel and senseless. And I have trouble sometimes of believing God could be so personal.
But I'm going to keep on being and doing what I can, because I can.
I suppose one school of thought is that if you've been so touched by the good works of the people in question, others probably have as well. So, assuming that every good thing we do can help draw someone else closer to wanting to be a "better person", the void by loss is probably already being filled. It might be filled differently -- there might be 100 people making a 1% effort rather than 1 person making a 100% effort -- but the positive influence is still out there and growing. That's the optimistic opinion :)
And, I guess you help out mostly by offering emotional support and by offering to listen. From everything I've read over the years, people going through tragedy seem to mourn the loss of "regular human contact". You can't take over their good work as you already have your own plate full, but just being there to listen would probably be welcomed.
When someone I know is suffering, I try to listen to find out if there is anything that is rough on them (even small stuff) and that I could help with. For instance, a friend of mine was once overwhelmed with various problems and hadn't even had time to undo her xmas tree (let alone clean her house) and it was February.
I went over, helped her put away the decorations, cleaned up her whole place with her (while chatting and mostly letting her talk, which helped too), and I ordered Indian food for us and her son (I'd brought desserts and drinks), so she also had a special meal that she didn't have to do anything about, and enough leftovers for another meal.
She told me that it helped tremendously (her house being clean = she didn't feel depressed or like a failure when she saw it anymore + having a chance to talk). Another time I brought her a bunch of inspiring/funny DVDs that she would love (she's a big movie fan).
I think even small gestures can have a tremendous impact on people. I know that they do for me (going through my divorce... my friend's support has been a huge source of safety, love and hope in general).
Whenever someone I know is in pain, I try to be proactive about helping, not just telling them to "call me if they need anything" (because if they're anything like me they won't like to bother people and might not call).
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